Step 7 - 12/01/13 Nuneaton Town vs Forest Green Rovers, Triton Showers Arena, Nuneaton

Once more into the breach we go onto the last non league step of our campaign with nary a tear glistening in our eyes. Oh how we will yearn for the simple Pleasures of the Holtwhites Sports and Social Club or the The Molten Spartan South Midlands Football League Division One of yesteryear as we go towards the big leagues. At least all the regulars were onboard but what location could possibly give us the non league send off we deserve well it could only be Nuneaton of course.

Good to Know

This was to be our furtheest travel since the start of the adventure an hour on the train and well outside of London into the deepest darkest Midlands. And after being accused (wrongly) of some casual racism on the tube it was a pleasure to leave for a few hours. The journey it was actually quicker than some of the trips to outlying areas of London and for £15ish it wasn't too bad. The lack of toilet facilities on the return journey was to be a high or low point depending on your outlook, see below.

Sedate and Scholarly Journey into the Wild. Loser.

Trolley Symbolising our Abandonment of Non League Football - A Poignant Moment

There were Nice Bits Too Honest

 There was a decent walk to the ground and to be fair Nuneaton wasn't all that, the nice looking church aside it was a bit grim. But the grey was soon to shift as we approached our watering hole of choice The Rugger Tavern.

Turns Out We Can Walk

Now on a cold day all you really want is a nice pint and a bit of hot food right? Well if that's the case then this place was gold dust.

Us: Are you serving lunch?
Landlord (LL) : Yes Cavery
Us: Great How much?
LL: £2.99 for as much as you can fit on your plate
Us: !!!?!!
LL: There is a catch though
Us: Knew it, so what is it then?
LL: You have to buy a drink as well.
Us: OK how much is a pint then?
LL: £3.00.
Us: Yeeeho.

And the food was great, choice of three meats (beef, ham and turkey). The dubious Londoners didn't want to trust it but even they were swayed by the end. Things were looking up. The place certainly put paid to the joke of the day:

J: Why is everyone here so hungry?
A: Because none eaten.

Thank you, thank you, I'm here all week.

 Fortified and 5 pounds heavier we set out into the bitter cold. 

Nuneaton should Advertise This Place 5/5

 Again we continued our site seeing tour of Nuneaton highlights included an industrial estate of the highest quality, a self defeating window and a great example of the wit and underplayed humour of the midlands.

Sadly all great journeys must come to an end and to be honest with a name like Triton Showers Community Arena I didn't hold out much hope for Nuneaton as a high point of our travels but I was to be pleasantly surprised. Arriving at the ground we received a warm welcome from the stewards who were only too pleased to pose for a photo.

A Pretty Site For Tired Legs

So our £12 paid and into the ground with about 15mins to KO. Perfect opportunity to pick up a programme, check out the merch, burger options and find an appropriate viewing position. Tidy wee ground felt very personal and very much it's own ground if that makes sense and it definitely had a great non league feel about it. There is something about Nuneaton vs Forest Green that sounds right at this level. Anyway enough talking bollocks on with the match.

Viewing Position Selected Close to Bar and Toilet

 Well what word could I use to describe the pre-match build up except 'Razzamatazz' (some of you will know how hard it was for me to type that word). Ten minutes prior to KO we were introduced to 'The Crew'. Nuneatons own cheerleading squad and fair play to them for showing the skin they did because it was baltic. An important and ultimately thankless task waving pom poms about but I can only say that the crowd were whipped into a frenzy and the game kicked off in a fervent atmosphere. Well Al got a bit lusty and disappeared to the loo.

R*******z

On with the football and it was pretty good, Forest Green were well in the ascendancy in the first quarter and looked to play some decent football. You could only think that Nuneaton were in for a long afternoon. After the bright start there were chances at both ends but nothing clear cut. About half way through the first half Nuneaton broke quickly and switched play to the left hand side were the attacker drew a (weak) foul and a penalty was given. Just what Nuneaton needed as you couldn't see them holding out for the entire game. Now up steps No12, James Armson, places the ball and steps back to the 18 yd box before turning his back to goal for a no look turn and run up. To me that was his fatal flaw you got the feeling he was missing from that moment and so it was as the keeper went to the right and saved the weak penalty easily.

Swing and a Miss.

Fecking Freezing

 From that point until the 44th minute it was all FGR with goal mouth scramble of the highest order and even a goal ruled out for offside. Then about 5 minuntes before half time Nuneaton again broke but a delightful cross to the back post just couldnt be turned in. 0-0 at the break and a pretty good and open first half. There was definitely goals to come but more likely from the visiting opposition. So half time and good job too as our burger taster had skipped the carvery and was by now starving.

As usual here is a quick review of the half time snack scoring system: Culinary expert 'S' will be the taste tester for each ground so we have a level playing field to judge the nosh on. Pies, being the traditional food of choice, were to take priority but due to lack of lower league pies a burger has been substituted. Food will be rated out of 5 stars. 1 being poor, 2 being average 3 being good 4 being very good and 5 being excellent. 

An extra "+" will be awarded for the serving of bovril. The maximum score is "5 +".

Burger Appears Courtesy of The Rolling Stones TM

There was major debate over where the burger would be purchased as for the first time on our travels we had more than one option from which to choose. Another conundrum was that but pies were available for the first time! Now I know we said we would be pie tasting were possible but that was back when we were innocent and believed pies existing in the lower reaches of the beautiful game, not so. 7 games into the climb and this was the first. So after a quick conference we decided to stick with the burgers so as to allow comparison throughout the leagues. That said credit where credit is due to Nuneaton for their pie offering from their dedicated pie stand.

Guy's Pies We Salute You

Back to the burger.

Score – 4+

Condiment Heaven

Burger was meaty, condiments plenty but it is the same old story of the bap letting the burger down. They got so much right with free onions, choice of mustard, ketchup and mayonaise among others but the slightly processed 'fluffy' bap was it's downfall. That said washed down with a bovril it was still one of the best burgers so far.

The Scarf Crew were Happy and Warm

Burger scoffed we retrested into the warmth of the clubhouse for a quick pint and to get the blood circulating again. It was so nice in there with it's warmt and seating that it became difficult to rouse everyone to return to the fresh outdoor afternoon. I led the first wave back onto the terrace. To say it was cold would be an understatement, the sun had set and all that was left was to huddle together. It was colder than a well digger's arse.

It was Not a Day to Remove Your Gloves Even to Check the Premier League Scores

As the second half kicked off the remaining Eleven Leaguers begrudgingly exited the bar muttering things like 'who's f*cking idea was this non league sh1t' and other such pleasantries  The second half began in the same ilk as the first with decent attacking football from Nuneaton with everything going through their number 7 Wes York. He certainly looked their star player. Couple of decent chances but nothing to beat the FGR keeper. Again as the half wore on FGR started to rise to the top again and hit the post before going ahead from a free kick nodded in from 6 yards out. It was the kind of cross you would want your keeper to deal with but he had been unconvincing all afternoon. 1-0 FGR.

The Steward Who Would Later Restrict The Use of My Flash In A Friendly, if Hulking, Way.

FGR were working like a well oiled machine now hoping to secure the game but Nuneaton still threatened on the break. York again took up the ball and when he thundered it off the crossbar there was number 15 Delroy Gordon following it up to scramble it into the net. Not the prettiest of goals but Nuneaton were level and with their tail up they pushed on for the winner.

On a side note there were a few other signs of progress up the leagues spotted during the second half. There were visibly more stewards doing crowd control, the aforementioned multiple food outlets, half time entertainment (which we missed while defrosting in the bar) and the arrival of the LED substitutes board as shown below in all it's blurry detail.

LED Astray

Inane observations aside you felt FGR had had enough, it was cold and they wanted to take their point and head for the coach and despite a late flurry of chances at both ends that is exactly what happened. 1-1 the final score and probably a fair reflection overall.

Both Pretty and Gritty

It was not without some sadness that we left Nuneaton and despite the journey to the ground not being the prettiest it was a great ground, game, pre match pub and friendly welcome so all in all a heartily recommended trip out.

Just Another Scorecard

Perusal

As we trundled past Milton Keynes of the way home perusing the match programme we had all thought the excitement was over, how wrong we were. We soon realised we were beside the toilet and that all the toilets on the the train were out of order. One of us braved it only to find it quite full and not flushing and so we watched and waited as several people followed him topping it up like a game of mucky jenga, would it fall before we got to London? How has it not toppled? Why are so many people still even attempting it? It never did seep out under the door but the tension made the last 45 mins fly by. A fitting end to our non league exploration. Onto the corporate juggernaut that is the leagues proper.

Topped up and Ready For The Next Contestant

Ticket price - £12

Beer Price - Pint Guiness £2.90

Burger/Pie Price - £2.5 . 4+ star rating.

Crowd - 910

Score 1-1

Scorers:

0-1 59 mins No 14 Matt Taylor

1-1 82 mins No 15 Delroy Gordon

Facilities

Bar - Yes 8/10

Food - Yes

Stand - Yes 3 raised and covered for about 1500 standing terraces elsewhere for another 500ish

Programme - Yes £2.50

Fanzine - No

Club Shop - Yes - Shirt Price £38

After Al's Random Facts from the last game thought I'd throw in a few of my own for the latest game:

Random Fact No1.

Jack Russell former England wicket keeper was Forest Green Rovers Goalkeeper coach up until last season. He can still be spotted in the stands at home games.

Rusell in His FGR Work Clothes

Random Fact No 2.

Not to be outdone on celebrity news Nuneaton were visited a couple of season ago by "funny man" Alan Carr whose Dad managed the team in the 80s.

Random Fact No3.

The Nuneaton Badge depicts a bear and ragged staff. The origins for this have been lost in the past but the emblem has long been associated with Warwickshire and can be traced as far back as the Beuchamp family, those old dogs. Recently, in what must be a boon for animal rights, Nuneaton have unchained the bear from the staff of the original Warwickshire crest of arms.

Translating the motto from the original bear language "I'm not drunk". Crazy bear.

Bear Unleashed