Bonus Round - 25/01/13, Ballinamallard United vs Portadown, Ferney Park, Ballinamallard, Northern Ireland

So we made it through the non league leagues (when is a league not a league? when it's a non league league) and to be honest I think the group is generally not as enthused about the league football to come, prices are starting to rise, character and personality are fading and sponsors are coming to the fore. But on the up side the football is definitely improving so to reinvigorate ourselves for the final push and to help usher one of our members into his 30s we decided a palette cleanser was required.

We couldn't add an extra English game as that would make no sense so we decided an adventure to leagues beyond the borders of England was required. The 30 something suggested his home town team in Northern Ireland next thing you know flights are booked and off we jet to see Ballinamallard United FC vs Portadown FC in the IFA Danske Bank Premiership.

Bonus Round

Arriving in Fermanagh late Thursday night there was only one thing to do, literally, so we met up in the pub to discuss the forthcoming frivolities. 6 or 7 pints later and the Railway Hotel's owner had got us booked in for dinner and a taxi bus for the game the next day all we had to do was turn up and be whisked off for the 7.45pm Friday KO the next day. Amazing how efficient you can be with a belly full of Guinness.

Weekend Fuel - Slightly More Appetising than the Bitter at Step 6

So next day after a session of Go-Karting to while away the afternoon we reconvened at the Railway and proceeded to scoff a full dinner with all the trimmings. Orders in, plates arrive but there only one spud, well that will teach us to stereotype, it just shows you that Ireland isn't all Guinness, leprechauns and potatoes. Oh no, wait 2 minutes later and the additional plates of boiled, mashed and chipped potatoes arrive. Hurrah, another Guinness please and one for the wee green fella in the corner.

This blog is slowly turning into a food blog so lets leave it there at least until Burger time, so on with the football. We stepped out of the pre match eatery to discover our travel was to be slightly more luxuriant than the usual 11.30 train out of Euston/Kings Cross/Victoria. It was party bus time.

Only The Best for The Vengaboys and Girls

Complete with Blue Party Lights - Only The Best

Arriving nice and early we we treated to a tour of the ground and facilities by Ronnie Elliott a stalwart of the club brimming full of interesting trivia, some of it may even have been true. He kindly talked us through the history and it was interesting to see how everything had changed since our 30 something had been running about the place as a yoof. It's only fair we impart some of the info on you. Ballinamallard are the first team in the county of Fermanagh to play in the top tier of Northern Irish football (the league was founded in 1890!) having been promoted from the Championship for the first time last season. In the last 10 years they have built a new training and changing facility, 3 new stands, laid a new pitch and most importantly extended the club house bar. The new pitch was extra impressive as given the weather the game against Portadown was the only one of a full schedule to be played in Northern Ireland that night. There you go trivia done, you can keep that.

The Tour Included a Sneak peek at he Half Time Sandwiches.

Tour concluded and time for a quick pint before taking our positions at the pitch. It was only when we stepped out from the warmth of the club house that we realised this was the first game we've been to to kick off under the floodlights. And despite all the rain, which had now disappeared, the pitch was in great condition certainly the best we have seen on our travels. Ronnie had regaled us with the laying of the pitch and the science behind it all but to be honest we were just impressed with how shiny and new it looked despite being laid 2 years ago and having to put up with the wettest weather in the UK!

Pitch Perfect...

The Away End

 Now you will notice that some of the photos are a bit good this time as we had a bit of a wannabe professional with us but don't worry I will sprinkle in a couple of my dodgy camera phone ones as well.

The first half wasn't great Portadown probably shaded it but it was a poor game of football all round. Ballinamallard had the first chance of the game but no one looked like they wanted to take the game by the scruff of the neck. A few worrying mix ups at the back for the mallards but nothing Portadown could latch onto. 0-0 at half time. It wasn't long before our attention drifted to the half time burger and no wonder as the pitch had been enveloped by smoke wafting from the charcoal BBQ. Our burger expert's eyes had gone all glazed and distant since his first sniff and he was itching to get at it so he left his post early to beat the half time rush.

Subject H - The First True BBQed Competitor.

Burger So Good  Taster is Ignoring Action At Far End of Ground

As usual here is a quick review of the half time snack scoring system: Culinary expert 'S' will be the taste tester for each ground so we have a level playing field to judge the nosh on. Pies, being the traditional food of choice, were to take priority but due to lack of lower league pies a burger has been substituted. Food will be rated out of 5 stars. 1 being poor, 2 being average 3 being good 4 being very good and 5 being excellent.

An extra "+" will be awarded for the serving of bovril. The maximum score is "5 +".

Score - 5.

Whoa whoa whoa are you sure that bees big scoring? Yes it was that good. Nothing beats a burger on a barbecue and the onion, fake (but fancy fake) cheese, great floury bap and range of condiments led to our highest scoring burger yet. A sign he truely enjoyed it is best explained in this conversation heard as he returned from the burger hut.

Tester: You know what I am so full after the feed in the Railway. I'll have the taste for the blog but there's no way I can eat it all you guys want a bit?
Group: Yeah pass it over when you are done, it looks good.
Tester: Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, belch. Sorry.

So a tough score to beat only a similar burger with the addition of Bovril can top that in the last 4 leagues. The bar is set high indeed.

Queue 10 mins Later - Taster 1 Queue 0

Half time came and we got invited into the boardroom for one of the sandwiches we spotted earlier and a cup of tea. We had finally arrived! None of this standing about outside malarky for us! We shuffled in, listened to the pleasantries from both chairmen and nodded graciously as Desi Quinn the Ballinamallard chairman thanked us for coming and explained why were were there (not sure some of us knew ourselves) but in reality we were all just eyeing the sandwiches (except the taster who was by now a little bloated) and tea. Now the sandwich is a fine thing but there is something mystical in how cutting into little triangles and serving a sandwich with hot tea it then transforms into something almost holy. All hail the triangle sandwich.

Fed and watered we shuffled back out through the great and the good and promptly took our place back at the rail in front of the Mallard 'Ultras' who sung their hearts out in the second half.

The second period was a much better affair. Portadown started much brighter and were pushing hard for the opener which duly came in the 59th Minute through Gary Twigg. It was a horrible goal to give away as several mallard players failed to clear the ball allowing Twigg to shoot home from 12 yards out.

See? Fancy Pictures.

From that point on it was nearly all Ballinamallard. Chris Curran (who had a loan spell, while on Man Utds books, with the same Forest Green Rovers FC of our last outing, see it all ties in) was starting to get a hold of the game from midfield and the striker Andy Crawford was making some dangerous runs. Curran should have equalised shortly after the opening goal but fired wide. Ballinamallard had several good chances but were either foiled by the Portadown keeper, who was excellent, or the linesman. 

We had a great spot behind the linesman and boy did he give some awful decisions, which allowed the Ultras and us taggers on a chance to shout abuse at him. I have never had such a chance to be so close to someone and be able to shout at them without reply, it's so much fun, worth the entry fee alone. Feeling down? Forget counselling get your self down to stand behind a bad lino at a match.

Linesman Nowhere to Be Seen Obviously Scared Him Off

Collina Still Getting A Game In Northern Ireland

So the come back wasn't to be and the Mallards paid the price for not getting going until 60 mins. Wined and dined and treated to what was in the end a great game of football we retired to the club house for a sit down and a couple of pints before our return bus arrived. Time to reflect and warm up. 

Something we didn't really see in England was both sets of fans enjoying a beer together after the game I spoke to as many Portadown fans as Mallard fans and discussed the game amicably which was nice. Portadown had even brought their own town drunk into the bar who was happy to discuss the team's outcome and life in general, well he would of if he was conscious I am sure of it.

Post Match Interviews Were Poor to Say The Least

15 mins later the Ballinamallard team started filtering in and we got chatting to a few of the players and had our picture taken with the manager Whitey Anderson. The vice chairman also gave us a few souvenirs and a couple of match programmes to take away with us. Now I know it's not going to be like this on our final ascent but it was a nice way to split up the non league from the league and I think most of the group left with a soft spot in their black London hearts for the home team.

Obligatory Match Card With The Manager.

Which one is the 6ft Striker! Good job you had Your Heels on M!

So we left Ballinamallard for 6 mile return to Enniskillen and the Railway Hotel again. As we stepped into the hotel the first thing the owner, Owen, said was 'I've got some spare chicken curry, rice, chips and garlic bread'  directed at us as a statement rather than a question. But surely no-one could even fathom eating that after a full dinner, triangle sandwiches and 6 or so pints of Guinness in the last 4 hours.

Guilty Faces

Good times. Next stop Barnet and the League.

Ticket price - £7

Beer Price - Pint Guiness £2.90

Burger/Pie Price - £2.5 . 5 star rating.

Crowd - None given estimated 750

Score 0-1

Scorers:

0-1 59 mins Gary Twigg

Facilities

Bar - Yes 9/10

Food - Yes

Stand - Yes 3 raised and covered for about 1000 1 seated stand for about 150

Programme - Yes £2.00

Fanzine - No

Club Shop - Yes(ish) - We asked and a guy (Maurice) appeared with a bag of goodies. Shirts were sold out. Online Shirt Price £23

As a side note our 30 something has now been to 4 Ballinamallard games this season from London and they have lost each time despite currently sitting in 4th position in the League. Don't think he'll be invited back.

Special mention to my Dad and Mark and Ronnie Elliott for sorting out all the hospitality (unbeknownst to us) and tour respectively.