Step 1 15/10/11 - Hinton vs Buntingford Town, Holtwhites Sports and Social Club, Enfield

As we live in London we have been trying to decide which of leagues in the London area we would start off with which is harder in practice than reality. Turns out there aren't that many clubs in London owing to the lack of space. We settled on the Hertfordshire league as it's pretty close and so we thought we had been well organised and just had to wait for the fixture list to be released for the 15th October. Of course what I should have realised was that the 15th was Hertfordshire FA Centenary Trophy Round 1, silly me. So we were limited to a choice of 3 matches and bestowed the privilege of our company on Hinton vs Buntingford Town K.O. 14:30.

Now I am blessed with some great mates but I know some of them need a helping hand when things need organised so I made sure everyone had the postcodes of the places we were going, the time we were meeting for Brekafast at Finsbury Park and the time of the train. Mentioning no names but I still had to physically go and find one of them wondering around Finsbury Park trying to get an internet signal for his google maps while muttering something about a railway bridge and his hangover, lesson learnt AtoZ > Google Maps. Said person shall be getting an A to Z for Christmas.

So decent breakfast from the Front Room in Finsbury Park in us and on the 12:32 train to Enfield Chase. Relatively easy journey although mild panic when we thought we were on the wrong train. Arrived at 12:50 and sat down in the The Old Wheatsheef to first pint of the day at 1pm. Watched the first half of the United game, taught the bar man how to make hot whiskeys and wandered down the road to soak up the matchday atmosphere before the game.

Soaking Up The Atmosphere.

The Stadium Looms Into View

Now we knew it wasn't going to be a big crowd and we were just hoping those that were there wouldn't think us annoying Londoners out to take the piss out of their proud and historic club. The fact was though we and 2 old guys were the only non playing/coaching/officiating people there so we couldn't offend anyone! One of us got chatting to one of the old guys later, he only watches non-league football and this was his 990th game so far, made us feel a bit small time.

Crowd Control Not an Issue

Not long to kick off now so just time for a quick pint, the best bit about this on a sunny day was we could enjoy it leant against the rail round the pitch. The club house was a shared facility with the local cricket and tennis teams but it was really well kitted out and fairly modern. The barmaid was friednly and explained Hinton were playing in blue and pints were £2.35. So we were all set and were ready to get behind the home team, COME ON HINTON, GET STUCK INTO THOSE YELLOW F@!KERS.
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Clubhouse

The first half flew by and Hinton were 2 nil down due to some excellent work by the guys we liked to call 'big Jon' and 'Stevie Lomas/Riise'. The blues were looking dejected and were totally out classed. Big Jon looked the real deal and had 'good feet for a big lad' and could head it too, it came as no surprise when someone told us he had played at a higher level although mysteriously without going into details. The only other stand out player was also in yellow, the number 10, he had a good deal of pace but the offiside rule seemed beyond him and he must have been caught out 10 times much to his disgruntlement.

No 10  2nd From The Left Big Jon 4th From The Left. He looked bigger in real life.

Number 10s incessant Offsides Lead to an impromptu explanation of the rule using filter tips. Grassroots football in every sense.

So half time and back in to the clubhouse to help Hinton lick their wounds. One of us is sent to the bar and offer some codolences while ordering.

Us - They've been a bit sh!t today
Bar Woman - Oh actually we are playing in yellow today.
Us - Oh

So we all felt a bit stupid but hey at least we were winning now. Come on the Yellows!

Sleepy Town doesn't know what's a bout to unfurl?

Now it all got a little crazy in the second half. Hinton again playing well in the opening minutes until No10 gets caught out again and kicks the ball against the post in anger. The rest unfolded as so:

The Paddy kenny (PK) lookalike in goal takes offence to all this and attempts to get him booked while shouting at No10.
No 10 throws ball at PK,
Ball bounces off PKs head,
No 10 again throws ball at PK.
No 10 gets sent off.
No 10 won't leave.
5 mins pass.
No 10 leaves.
PK gets booked.
No 10 comes and stands beside us.
No 10 says "I am going to spray him in the face and the balls"
No 10 repeats spraying threat repeatedly.
No 10 has confrontation with bench regarding alleged 'inbred' comments from PK which we think No10 is taking as racist?!

Match continues. Someone else gets sent off for Hinton and if I am honest I can't remember why as I was still mesmerised by the whole spraying, was he going to spray deodorant, piss, flower petals? and why just the face and the balls? I was later informed he had a can of paint but this just confused me more, why did he have paint in his kit bag, I then began to think it might have all be pre meditated, I just hope this is not a trend we see spend through the divisions. I will certainly be keeping an eye out for spray cans in future matches - watch this space.

So with Hinton down to 9 men Buntingford got a goal back but Hinton put bodies behind the ball and hung on for a win. No one got sprayed and No 10 disappeared never to be seen again.

Us and Big Jon

Once back in the clubhouse we got to meet a few of the players and the first one back in was our man of the match 'Big Jon' we continued to call him Big Jon and despite this he still agreed to have his photo taken with us. Wonder how many divisions we can rise before we don't meet any of the players? All the lads come back in (except No10) and have fish and chips and we share some of their crisps over beer, all very personable makes we wonder why I bother with Premier League football this is much more fun.

Match Summary

A great day out and if we had hung around a little longer pints for £2 but in the end we decided to leave the lads to enjoy their victory and we trundled off home. My residing thought was that maybe we buy into the Premier League 'best league in the world' corporate machine a little too much. I am not saying the football was top class and people were pinging 50 yard balls for bicylce kicks but passes were still made, headers won, goals kept and goals scored and it felt more like football and less like someone was trying to sell me something. I hope the rest of our trips are as eventful and fun as this. If anyone fancies going to Hinton in the future give me a bell.

Cheap as Chips

Ticket price - £0

Beer Price - Pint Young £2.35 (£2 after 7)

Burger/Pie Price - No food just crisps.

Crowd - 8 including us.

Score 2-1 Home Win

Scorers - Big Jon 25' 33'

Facilities

Bar - Yes 7/10

Food - No

Stand - No (rail round pitch)

Programme - No

Fanzine - No

Club Shop - No

Hospitality - No

P.S. As a side note I wrote this in the week Premier League Owners have been trying to sell their own TV rights and scrap relegation! Anger rising - stop trying to f@ck about with football or me and many others may start looking around at other lowly clubs to see football.